The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize