next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
