I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
