ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
