Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
