The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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