i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
