You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
