guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
