My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
