Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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