just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
