I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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