I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
