I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
