I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
