How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
