Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize