Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
