saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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