I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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