I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
