Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
