One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize