Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
