Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need moral support for this bender
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
