I feel great
I just peed on a car
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
