If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
