i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
