I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
