This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
