So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
