like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
3 2 1 whiskey
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
