God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Small penises have feelings too.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My penis needs a shock collar
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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