Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mom said you looked used
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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