i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
