Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
