Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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