i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
