Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
