i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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