he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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