I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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