Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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