YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
