i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
