At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize