my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
