First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sex in a hospital.. check
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
