I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize