he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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