as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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