So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
