Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
