there's paper in my vomit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
