Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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