I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
