YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
