even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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