I think I am morally bankrupt
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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