Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
