This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize