if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
