hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
