I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
