yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
