Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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