I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
