never play flip cup with pint glasses
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
