did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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