Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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