She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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