I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
